No one is calling you a liar. It's that darned frame.
What you want, and what your frame says, are can be complete contradictions. Your dance intentions can be easily undone by a double-dealing dance frame. So it's time to shed light on some of the most common dance frame fibs, and bring the brain and body into harmonious alignment.
Feels like: You're a human marionette being carried through the patterns.
The Reality: This can be based on a big height difference, or a general lack of certainty in the maneuver, but they are using their frame as a fork lift, and, all carrying aside, doesn't make it any easier for you.
The Fix: On your next lesson, try minimizing your dance frame to avoid any additional "upward-lifting" tendencies. In addition, try scaling back the rotation as you build your confidence moving your partner without all the "additional helpfulness".
Feels like: Being in a car where the driver is pressing on the accelerator and the brakes at the same time.
The Reality: A leader can commonly suffer from "Thinking Hands", which causes the hands to tense up as brain activity increases. This will immediately interfere with any suggestions the rest of the body has in regards to movement.
The Fix: Try a "No Hands" frame. As leader or follower, it's important to be subtle and sensitive, and connecting with the hands will immediately eliminate the tension.
Feels like: You're going up against Stallone in that movie "Over the Top"
The Reality: The leader's arms are doing the work that their feet should be doing. It's perfectly normal for leaders to feel the need to use the arms as a pre-emptive signal to help avoid stepping on their partner. But, in the long run, straining the arm won't make one's feet more accurate.
The Fix: See the "No Hands" frame suggestion above.
Feels like: If a vice grip took dance lessons and asked you to Tango.
The Reality: They are hanging on like you're going to make a run for the door. If this keeps up, you just might.
The Fix: Whether this is brought on by a recent fascination with Argentine Tango, or a lack of confidence, your frame should not lack space. By stretching your elbows to either side, you can set a secure perimeter and buy yourself some breathing room.
Feels like: Holding hands with your sibling while crossing the street when you really don't want to.
The Reality: Often times the leader will maintain minimal contact with their left hand and the follower's right.
The Fix: Maybe somewhere in the history of ballroom dancing, there was a leader that everyone admired, and he flared his pinkie and ring fingers away from the grasp of his partner, and that's why this common fray in the frame still occurs. In reality, a leader will tend to clasp their partner's hand more like holding a teacup than a beer bottle, so a beer may actually help in this situation.
Feels like: ........................
The Reality: Leaders can let their elbows sag, pull back towards their body, and fall victim to gravity. This makes them feel timid and reserved, even if they are C-level executives, NFL Linebackers, or generally confident individuals.
The Fix: Trying to step on your partner will move your partner out of the way. Not trying to step on them will put you at risk for handing out gift cards for pedicures. Set your elbows in front of your body like you're guarding the armrests to your middle seat on a Southwest flight, and take a page out of Star Trek, and "Boldly Go" where few men have gone before.
Feels like: The frame is being used as a lever to violently communicate the timing of the music.
The Reality: Sometimes, a leader will use his arms to communicate the timing. It's a crude, and somewhat effective technique for timing, but not the smoothest form of dance transportation. It's a means to an end, so don't let it end your dance time together. The frame may be suggesting that you need help with timing, but the reality is that this is a leader working on theirs.
The Fix: Every dance will have some movement to signal to your partner that you can hear the music, and it will be done by moving your legs. Check with your teacher on the best moves to start each dance, and make that a habit for your Social and Competitive Dancing.
Feels like: The dance version of the boy who cried wolf.
The Reality: When doing faster rhythm dances like Swing, Cha-Cha, or Salsa the signal for the turn comes from raising your hand. Often times, a leader will eliminate that little detail by keeping their hand in the raised "it's time to turn" position.
The Fix: In the Rhythm and Latin dances, the hands are either down ("no turn"), up ("let's turn"), back in frame ("hello there"), or doing some kind of cool styling ("just shampooing my hair"). Focus on two in your next lesson, and don't allow any gray area between them.
Feels like: You've never actually seen the face of the person you're currently dancing with.
The Reality: Wherever the eyes go, the dance frame will follow, and this is the most common of all of the frame issues. When the eyes, head, or frame drops down it is the body's way of saying that the dance, the pattern, or the technique is new.
The Fix: Looking down is one of the primary indicators of the Conscious Use Stage. This is when you can execute the movement, but have to think about it. It takes a lot of trust in your muscle memory to look up, just ask anyone who's tried to look up from the keys in piano, or look down the court while dribbling a basketball. As uncomfortable as it is, practicing the basics without looking down is the key for transitioning to the Natural Use Stage - when the movement can look and feel spontaneous, creative, and easy.
1. Always consider a Frame, especially like the ones listed above, as "under construction".
2. Following is all about sensitivity, and you don't build sensitivity by holding out for a perfect frame.
3. Trying to fix a leader's frame while they are dancing with you is like offering to fix someone's cooking that has invited you over for dinner. Leave it to the teachers.
4. Even the best ballroom and latin frames will feel slightly different from person to person.
1. Offer your frame, but allow your partner to establish a distance that's comfortable.
2. Alternative versions of your practice frame will help prevent bad habits from forming.
3. Your frame is the steering wheel to an expensive sports car. It won't move any differently if you squeeze it.
4. Tension in your frame is like volume in a conversation, and no one wants to listen to someone yelling.
A frame is a connection. Like a driver's hands on a steering wheel - it's important, but it's not the only part of driving. Often times, we as dancers can overemphasize the frame. Treating this steering wheel of sorts as the engine and body of the vehicle, instead of it being a means of connection. Engine problems will halt your progress, but perfect hand placement on the steering wheel hasn't stopped you since you first got comfortable driving, and so don't let it stop you in dancing either.
And that's the truth.